So with everything going on life has been crazy. I seriously took down last years calendar and went to replace it and just looked at the months and what we had done. It made me sick. There where few and very far between that there was a day of nothing. I think that is what I honestly need right now is nothing. But am thinking that will not happen anytime soon. A few nights ago Brody was up later then everyone else as he had wet the bed and so as it was only 8 we decided to just wash everything then and not wait until morning and let him stay up it was also the day we got to bring him home from the hospital and be on that emotional roller coaster. So I guess both Robert and I where just glad he was whole and here. Yes maybe sick but right now he was here and we were not having to worry about the what if's. I have never had to do anything like this in my life and it is so much harder then I ever thought it would be. I look at other moms and dads who are going through much worse or have gone through and I am amazed at there positive outlook on life. I want that.
I need that.. But all I can think about it the bad. The very bad.
I need to do laundry.
I need to take the Christmas stuff down.
I need to make dinner atleast once this week the leftovers are going to get old sooner then later.
Its hard to go on with normal life. Its hard to do the laundry when all you want to do it sit and hold your babies not knowing really what is going on inside there little bodies or when they will be called home to our Father in Heaven. I hope it gets easier with the more answers you get.
Maybe this is all to make me more patient. I don't want to me patient. I want to be on the phone calling the same doctors office that is on vacation until Monday for the holiday to see if someone might just answer the phone but I wont.
I need to make goals for this year but it is so hard to when you don't know where others will be guiding you and your decisions. If Brody wants enough right now to worry about, Roberts work is talking changes. Which would mean moving. My church calling isn't exactly what was asked and I am still trying to figure out just what they want.
I am glad for great friends as with out them I think I would be pulling my hair out right now. I mean I am to the point where I have done everything I feel I can I mean really how many times can I google Kidney problems and read it ALL over and over. I guess what I really need is to just leave it up to the lord. But man that is hard.
Why is it so easy for Robert to fall asleep anywhere.
Why can't I sleep?
Why if we weren't supposed to get answers fast did I with my naked eye see something the doctor said should have been impossible?
Why do I feel like this is going to be a LONG journey?
Why are we so far away from family?
I should make cookies.
Sorry if this doesn't make much since to those who actually read this I am sorry. This is what is on my mind. I just needed to get it out and down somewhere.